I would love to write about things by this blog.
If you would say something about my story's, that's totally okay.
Good girls gone bad.
They keep telling me that good girls silently are bad girls. They're just hiding it. I don’t know, should I believe them or not? Maybe they’re just haven’t been caught. I keep thinking about it, good girls are bad girls. Good girls are bad girls. Good is bad.. Maybe they’re right, is good bad? Or is bad good? I don’t get it anymore. Do they mean bad like they do bad things, like lying or do they mean it like they can’t be themselves? If that’s true, I’m bad too.
This is the begin of my blog.
Every day I think there’s something wrong. People jump into my heart like it’s nothing, and suddenly they jump out. But I don’t want a broken heart. I search for love that I won’t get. Last month’s I’ve been changed so much.. I can’t even talk about my emotions anymore. Earlier I talked about my feelings with everybody. Now it’s something I only tell to good friends, but hey wait. I don’t have good friends anymore. I have hurt them. It was all my fault. That was the moment I lost all my friends. I cried for days, weeks and months. Then I realized if I stay crying, nothing is going to happen. I feel so sorry for everything I did. But they won’t take my apologizes anymore. They already gave me a second change. I ruined it. It was so dumb.. I didn’t realized I should lose my friends. All I did was thinking “everything was going to be okay.” But it wasn’t. They were so mad at me. First I told them to shut up, leave me alone, like it wasn’t my fault. Now, 3 months later I see what I did wrong. I’ve hurt the best people ever. Since I realize that, I’ve been changing. I try to be nicer to people, stay open for strange people, don’t judge them. I also finally accept my appearance, because I need to live with it. I have no choice. Yeah I can lose weight, but this is my body. I’m finally happy with it. But people still think I never changed. They won’t see it. They won’t accept it, because I’m a better person now. A person with an open mind. A person with an open heart. A person who try to get loved, but who won’t get love. I’m still crying about that. I’m thinking I believe people to easily. I think I’m right at that point. Because if I start liking a boy, and he ‘says’ he likes me too, they start acting weird. After a few days they won’t talk as much as we used to do. They’re cutting conversations off. Is it because they want to hurt me, or because they just made a mistake when they say they like me? I don’t get it. They don’t want to tell me. If I ask what’s wrong, they say: “oh nothing I’m just tired.” Yeah sure, sorry I’m not that stupid, I know there is something wrong, why won’t you tell me? Am I not good enough? Did you found another? I will never get it. But well. Okay, I think I need to live with it. Everyday. I will act like nothing is wrong.